Chronicles Of A Powerful Idiot
by Doodrs
Summary: Summary: Puns, sarcasm, destroying a kingdom, misunderstandings, Ramen troopers, jokes, satire, random, slapstick, emotional. Welcome, welcome, to the world of Remnant, Uzumaki Naruto!


_Disclaimer : I do not own RWBY or Naruto, the rights go to their respective owners._

 **BIG WARNING: If you're not a fan of any of the things I wrote in the summary, turn back.**

 **(:(**

' _What in the fucking world happened?'_

' **Good question, I have no idea either brat.** '

Naruto stood In the middle of a crater. If it could even be called that. It was so massive in size that he actually thought for a second that the sheer possibility of a crater on a magnitude level like this was completely and utterly impossible.

Yet he could hear his heart beating. His panicked breathing, the air rushing out from his nostrils. The complete destruction of, of this place! Where ever he looked, his eyes could see far, _very_ far, beyond what normal people could. Yet all that he could see was black.

Everything was black, everywhere was black. Charred black.

The dead people around him. Naruto knew the smell of death well enough, he had been in a war for Christ's sake! he could feel with in him deep however, that this was on a far bigger scale. Anything bigger than he could ever imagine.

This place _reeked_ of death. Total annihilation. Not a single person left.

And it was apparent who did it. After all, where in the fucking world would people believe you if they saw you in the middle of a massive crater. Yeah...The idea was absurd in it self. Even if they didn't blame it on him, he was 99 percent sure that said people would still lock him up and put him in an insane asylum.

Before Naruto could even comment on said thought to his partner, his teammate/furry friend decided to speak up. Letting a a snort escape as he rested his head on his paws. The twitching ears and the occasional swishing of his tail could only prepare Naruto for what he would say.

Always said something smart ass when that happened.

' **You're naked, get some clothes, I've just about had enough of seeing your small penis** '

"Yeah, Kurama. Think you funny mocking me?" Naruto let his breath become laboured again as he took a quick glance at his nude form. He didn't exactly have any idea where he was supposed to be. Or what he was suppose to do now. In fact, the last thing he remembered was jerking off to some random photo of a woman in his house.

It had been...Approximately a year since the war? He didn't really remember to be honest. He had completely forgotten about it, who wouldn't? Fucking war ruined everything. He sighed as he shivered at the cold slowly invading him, he quickly heated himself up using Kurama's chakra. Letting the orange tinge coat him as an over cloak.

" **It was a little girl** "

"What the fuck man? Chill the fuck out." Naruto did a "WTF" expression as he put his hand up in a "Why would you say that" pose. Not exactly helping but it did contribute to making him a lot less tense.

A one plus in his most relevant opinion.

"Still man, I do not do that type of shit. Do I look like Danzo to you?"

Kurama could only let an amused grin come to his face as he let out a grunt. Making Naruto release another sigh before stretching out voluntarily. He felt his stiff limbs crack and pop in protest as he felt his body enter a state of temporary pleasure of feeling light. He continued doing so for another three minutes or so before finally standing up again. A serious expression on his face.

"Kurama. What do we do now?"

' **Don't ask me...Why does this happen to you? I mean I don't seem to remember how we got here as well"**

Naruto rolled his eye at his friends apparent whining as he bumped his fists together.

"Less talky more thinking. What direction should I take?"

" **East I guess...** "

"North it is then! Let's go!"

Naruto let the cloak come in full abundance as he ran towards the south. Not knowing what was going to come out such a...situation.

He could only hope that he would get back to Konoha.

 **(:(**

"!" A woman snapped her neck as fast as she could nearly having a whiplash when she saw an outline of a dot come towards their base, which was as impossible as someone dating her. She truly didn't yearn for such pathetic stuff. After all, she was serving a higher, superior being. Yet she couldn't stop a shudder from walking up her spine as she held the binoculars closely to her eyes, squinting them to get a better look at the person.

"Bloody murder...What the hell..." She let out a small yelp as she saw the bloodthirsty creature stare right at her through the binoculars. Which was impossible, they were faraway if the small speck of dot they resembled even meant anything. Besides no one! No one ever came here. Her master had insured that by letting Grimm run over the whole place!

They even placed a barrier like illusion.

She had no choice, she would have to eliminate the Imbecile who decided to raid them, no one in their right mind would. This was a massive dark castle, in the middle of an eerily creepy place.

Who in their right mind would come here?

 **(:(**

"I-I'm hungry..." Naruto's stomach growled as he felt his fingers dig deep into his skin, staring ahead with an angry expression. He slowly felt it receding as he sighed once again. It had been a week. A whole week of eating those damned weird creatures. If Naruto had learned something this past week, it was to always appreciate what you had. Because honestly, the meat of that thing tasted worse than shit.

He looked up tiredly before catching the glimpse of a pointy object In the sky. Squinting before concentrating and focusing a bit more, he marvelled and damn near jumped in the air as he saw a _castle_.

"Kurama! A castle, finally! I'm bout' to die of hunger. " His stomach growled again in agreement as he started running like a mad dog. His tongue lashing out as if he was Orochimaru. The Kyuubi on the other hand could just watch while shaking his head.

"... **This is a bad idea** "

 **(:(**

Cinder could only watch through the binoculars as the outline of the person became more clear. She zoomed in, as she gripped her hold on the binoculars a bit tighter. Focused on the person who dared trespass.

It would be a couple of seconds before she finally saw the face of the person who would have the honour of withering into ash today.

Give it 5 more seconds...

Cinder widened her eyes as she caught the junk of a man before going up and focusing on his body, a slight embarrassed flush on her face.

She saw something worse.

...This guy was insane. Insanity meant little when you saw something as fucked up as this.

She didn't know...For the first time ever, what to feel. For this person running straight at her had a maniacal grin. His tongue was so out of place, his whole existence was _so out of place_ goddamit!

His tongue...His face.

He was naked...Running at her in speed that made her gape. That perverse grin that violated her very core being. This person was dangerous.

She clenched her teeth, her mind working in a frenzy to work out a quick plan that could work successfully.

Her heart beat faster, the only thing registering in her mind was the loud drumming on her chest. Her whole face, body and spirit felt cold. Her confidence plummeted as she reluctantly put down the binoculars.

The man was so close to her now. She didn't want to be raped. This man saw her...No wonder he had that bloodthirsty grin from before...She would have to come back later.

Yes. Reporting beforehand took priority first, she wasn't scared.

Pfft. Who would be scare-

Cinder broke through the sound barrier.

 **(:(**

"Kurama, I see some person running away, shall I go after them?"

" **I'd be running away too if I saw you** "

Naruto clicked his teeth as he took after the person, going at a third of his normal speed, before reaching the recon tower, which was linked to the castle. Running on top of the walls took little time as he did a front flip, landing masterfully. His feet sore from the running he had done, he grinned as he cracked his neck.

He didn't waste any further time, opting to walk forward without a destination in his mind, his stomach was like a howling Juubi, each second passing by making a bead of sweat go down his temple. Coming across a door at the end of the hall had somewhat given him the energy to continue. He just needed some food and by _god_ , interaction. Don't forget about the shit he had been holding in this whole past week.

He kicked the door down, too tired to even attempt on even being civilised at this point. His nude form and the black circles under his eyes being more than enough evidence to show that Naruto was on the verge of breaking.

Not in the sense that he would go insane...Actually there was more of a chance of him Bijuu bombing this place, if he found out that there was nothing to eat. That one was very high on his list and did sound reasonable In his opinion.

He nodded at his great idea, if this place didn't have food or a toilet, he would destroy it.

Naruto walked down the stony path, lights were lit up all around him, the only sound of even a person walking there was the soft tap of Naruto's feet lazily smacking the floor. He didn't know for how long he was walking, his already tired eyes and feet were beginning to fail him, the fatigue taking hold of him.

He was even lucky that he was alive till this point. If he was a normal civilian, he doubted he would have survive past the third day. Just showed how much more determined he was to live. He continued walking down the empty hall before coming across some stairs.

Oh...This was going to hurt as hell.

 **(:(**

Salem was a person that knew when to take someone off duty. Even though she trusted Cinder with all her being, so much that she had made her go on watch this whole past week, but aside from that. It had been a long time since she had last felt something even akin to concern. The past week had been different from anything she had felt in her long lifetime.

She knew that there had been a nuclear explosion somewhere around Vacuo, which was quite far from here, though she had the power to determine that by sending a Nevermore.

Aside from that hidden feeling in her gut, she felt a lot more at ease now when she felt the presence of the _thing_ that had caused it, disappear. It was such an unnecessary feeling, that would only bring her problems later down the line. But what else could she do but wait until said enemy confronted her or became a threat?

Now, she knew of how Cinder hated being ordered around by others, her personality being a lot more annoying to deal with than the other kids, but to make up an excuse...Of a nude man with a pedo face coming running at her with what Cinder called "A savage run" Salem could only assume that that this girl had actually thought that such a foolish plan would work against her.

"I see, I see. Now. Tell me what really happened" She said with a slight edge to her voice as Cinder shivered. Furiously shaking her head as if her life depended on it before opening her mouth.

"I'm not Ly-

The door to the library was blasted open. The sound of the wood being destroyed made Salem's eyes widen. What was Tyrian doing? How many times did she have to tell that fool to stop needlessly destroying doors.

Cinder widened her eyes as well. But not in worry or confusion. But the familiar feeling of what she named the "aura" of the guy, that had overlapped everything in the room. She could only tiptoe behind Salem slowly, who in turn raised her eyebrows at the action, before praying to god that it wasn't him.

Salem could only gape as the same person that Cinder mentioned. He strolled in carelessly, a ravenous expression on his face before he saw them and let a tired grin split his face. The blond haired boy had 3 whisker marks evenly split on his cheeks, his blond hair wasn't short nor long. Her beady eyes could only watch as the person walked towards them with his hand behind his head.

Salem had never felt this much worry. Didn't this man know what he had just done? Who infiltrated a haunted castle and proceeded to walk around nude? Who even went commando in daylight?! How the hell did he even come here?!

She watched the man with some certain amount of anger, the feeling of him even being a threat long since gone, the boy continued to rub his head in the same sheepish fashion.

He opened his mouth. Looks like he would finally acknowledge them, though she would kill him in 3 seconds flat. It didn't matter what type of excuse he used. Her face disconcerted at his change of attitude for a moment.

The boys face was contorted into a serious expression all of a sudden, as he gazed at them in what could be regarded as killing intent. She didn't know what was happening, her mind whirring as fast as it could. What was even worse however was her subordinate hiding behind her. This all felt surreal, a person with the temperament of her should not be confused! She was suppose to destroy anything that threatened her.

"Hey, you got Ramen here?"

 **(:(**

 _ **I have everything mapped out. I know what Naruto will be doing, so I can only hope you people agree with what I've planned out as well.**_

 **(:(**

 _ **CRITISICE. ME. I'm not the best of writers**_.


End file.
